When I first started my practice, our divorce court was ruled by one of the laziest people on earth. This man went to lunch at 10:00 a.m., and returned to court at 2:00 p.m. if we were lucky. If you happened to have a hearing scheduled when he wanted to do something else, his secretary would happily inform you that he was not available, and you would just have to reschedule. If you’ve ever read Catch 22, and you remember the character Major Majors, you have an idea of this jurist’s ability to slip out of anything that smacked of work.
However, giving the devil his due is what this story is about. He wasn’t all bad. I wouldn’t say he had a great personality, but he didn’t sue my mother for whacking into his Caddy with my dad’s truck, and she backed into him three times. He forgave my first dog guide for throwing up all over the courtroom floor. And, as far as I knew, he wasn’t an ax murderer or a drug dealer.
The one thing he did do that was good was the little lecture he delivered after every divorce case involving kids. It went something like:
You two evidently thought enough of each other at one time to get married. You had kids together, and apparently planned to live together and raise them. Now, you are changing things around. That’s fine. You are adults, and can do what you want.
However, nothing has changed for your kids. They love and need both of you. If you are unhappy with each other, go to the wood shed and holler at the top of your lungs. Don’t discuss the other guy’s failings with your kids. You let him be the father, and you let her be the mother. Divorce is hard enough on kids without the parents treating each other like dirt.
Most judges don’t say anything after a divorce hearing. When you’ve heard the same story a zillion times, it loses its punch. The judge in this story could probably give his little speech in his sleep. Still, it was a good one, and I couldn’t pass on better advice to divorcing parents.